Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
