You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
