Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
