Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
