Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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