her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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