Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
