Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
