I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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