Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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