i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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