if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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