swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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