mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize