I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
