I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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