she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
