At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
