i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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