and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
