Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
