sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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