How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Two words: blizzard sex
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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