She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
