I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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