What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
