In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
