So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
