Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
