No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
