I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
