we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
