It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
