he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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