I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
