I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
