Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
