hell yes lets make some ravioli
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
