The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
