you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I love you.
Bad choice
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
