butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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