A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
