You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
