I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize