just tell him i said nine months
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
