im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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