I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
