One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
