dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
