That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
