Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
