I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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