Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
