Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
