I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
