I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
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