Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
