Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
sex in a hospital.. check
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
