Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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