You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
