just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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