They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
