The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
