is your mom at the bar?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
