two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
