i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
