Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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