So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
