No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
