Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
