Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
