Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
